“What is This Here To Teach Me?”

In life we expect to encounter our share of failures, whether it is as trivial as not being selected for the softball team or having a business deal fall through. No matter the magnitude of failure, they all exist to teach us something as long as we are open enough to listen to the message. The most successful people in the world have all risen from failures of the past, and have adopted them as contributors to their story, not a tarnish.

It is easy to give up after failures, not wanting to face family at holiday parties and admit to the lack of tangible accomplishments. It is easier for us to give the whole thing up and just stop feeling the pressure of others expecting something from us, right? Well, that feeling of embarrassment exists to do just that, to have you give up in order to protect us. Our minds, which were once wired for protection from predator threat in the wild, are still wired for protection but protection from negative emotions. Now that we no longer have to fear the attack of a wild animal, our minds have evolved to protect us from mostly social fears. It is the protective mind that will tell you that you should stop if you don’t want to feel that embarrassment or rejection again. It will stop you if you let it.

Knowing that each failure exists to teach us something is the most powerful thing to get us through the debilitating fears the mind as produced, and have us continue our journey to be great (whatever that may look like for you). Next time you are faced with a failure, ask yourself,

“What is this here to teach me?”

In my own life, I have found that the lesson to cultivate the persistence to continue pursuit after failure, alone has been enough to continue my journey. There are times when I do get discouraged and think things would be easier if I just gave up and throw up the white flag to all of the people who have never understood what I have been moving towards.

Who you are meant to be evolves from where you are right now. So, learning to appreciate your lessons, mistakes and setbacks as stepping stones to the future are clear signs you are moving in the right direction.

~ Oprah Winfrey, What I Know For Sure (2012)

Oftentimes these failures can feel like taking steps backwards, but the fact is that simply taking that action was progress enough because those who never took action could have never failed and learned, or won anyway.

Perhaps the answers are just you need to better equip you for the step in your journey. Keep going!

Change.

“ Live dangerously, take things as they come; dread naught, all will be well.” – Winston Churchill

The quote by Winston Churchill are truly words to live by when dealing with change.

There comes a time in everyone’s life where we experience change, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. At times we are in a place in our life when we might feel too comfortable, and are ready for a new challenge to take on. Or, perhaps there is a more unwelcomed, unpredictable change in which we cannot control. Regardless, our initial reactions to any change can be intimidating. By reframing change in our lives, we can move forward with positive disposition and excitement for a new beginning.

We can all relate to a time we have worked at a job for a number of years, and simply feel like we are not growing anymore. The decision to take on a new job, at a new company, with a new staff of people might frighten us to the point of discouragement from taking this action at all if we allow it. As human beings, we are instinctually programmed to protect ourselves from threat. Change can often trigger a threat response and cause this debilitating fear. We are then in control to respond to this fear. Are we going to allow fear to take over and remain comfortable where we are? Or will we embrace fear and take a leap of faith into a world of the unknown?

Conversely, other changes we have no control over and are oftentimes unwelcomed occurrences, such as a job firing, for example, to stick with the theme. Perhaps you are satisfied at a job, you feel motivated to work and feel you are continually developing, and suddenly, you are handed a pink slip for your departure from the company. Unexpected. Unpredictable. Yet, highly adaptable. Once again our choice in how we react comes into play. We can frame this occurrence as an opportunity or we can continue to sulk in the woe of a job had lost.

We will miss out on many growth opportunities in life if we do not embrace change, regardless if voluntary or involuntary. Personally, I am constantly reminded that we cannot predict the future as much as I would love to believe I have such a sixth sense. All we can do is go by intuition in the moment and taking a leap of faith into something that may or may not work out. Trust and faith in this change may just lead to a more rewarding outcome than you could have ever expected. Releasing ourselves from the anxieties of the future by remaining in the present and submitting to trust and faith can lead us through any change.

Comment with a recent experience you have had with change and how you have adapted!

What is My Intention For Today?

Take a moment to first ask yourself this question, and keep your answer in mind.

Recently I listened to an interview of Jay Shetty, who spend almost three years living as a monk. He has since been a public figure, promoting mindfulness and positivity, in short. During this interview Shetty says he begins his day with one question- “What is my intention for today?” The thought behind this question is to recognize what is the most important work for you to do today. Shetty encouraged us to focus on intention rather than what he calls the “weeds” or distractions that will inevitably come along with the day as well. The “weeds” represent the impurity of our true intention. In the example Shetty provided was his intention each day is to educate and inspire people. The weeds that get in the way of this pure intention is the money, the number of followers, and the fame that inadvertently comes along with it. Though it is easy to get caught up in these weeds, he focuses on this sole intention.

So, “What is my intention for today?”

As I ask myself this question, and my mind diverts to thinking about wish to accomplish professionally today. However, I interrupt this thought to reflect on my personal mantra—to be a source of peace and inspiration to all who surround me today. This begins to put my true intention into perspective. My true intention is to live out this very mantra. Initially, I believed my intention would be to close a sale and obtain a commission. But, this is not my intention for the today. Perhaps that is a personal goal I have for myself but it cannot be confused with being my intention. The lust for a royalty is a weed which may even distract me from executing this true intention.

What can possibly get me down or distract me if this is my sole intent? How can unsuccessful cold calls or a lull in a sales closing possibly get in the way of this? It cannot.

Focus on your true intention for today, and don’t let the weeds get in your way.

Why Dieting Doesn’t Work

Have you ever procrastinated for an exam, crammed the night before and performed well on the test the next day? I’m sure you have! Good for you! However, one week later, if someone asked you to recite back the material you had learned, could you? There is a less likely chance. So, why is this?

When we are focused on one single goal and put all of our energy into achieving this goal, we are spent when the goal is reached. We cram all of this information in our head to get that A on the exam, but have zero commitment to retaining the information once we have obtained what we wanted.

Similarly with dieting, we are so focused on the short-term goal of losing 10 pound by the end of the month, for example, we are not focusing on the long-term of sustaining that weight.

This is why dieting doesn’t work.

How often do you hear family, friends, those in the workplace disappointed that they cannot lose weight or if they lose weight, they gain it right back. It is because of this lack of focus on the long-term, and too much of a focus on the short-term.

Rather than dieting, we must strive to maintain a sustainable, healthy lifestyle, and this is the ONLY WAY to guarantee we can keep that weight off.

Believe me when I tell you, in the past, I have tried every diet known to man and with much success, in fact. Conversely, though proven to be successful, I promised I would never “diet” ever again. It is not the problem of the “diet” but the term itself has a connotation that implies, “I just have to do X for X period of time and then I will be happy.” It is a destructive way of thinking and cyclical.

Would we rather live this life of being seasonally fit and seasonally happy with ourselves, or would it be more productive to develop long-term lifestyle that will ensure we will never have to diet ever again?

You tell me.

It took me a long time to realize why I was unhappy with my body, and it was because of this cyclical mentality. For months I would diet and obtain the “perfect body” for summer, spring break, my birthday, but thereafter, you will find you are only more disappointed when that goal is obtained and you are not putting in the equivalent effort to maintain it.

Let’s start this journey together.

The first step in changing our lifestyle to lose or maintain weight, is the simple promise to ourselves that we are not dieting, we are adjusting our lifestyle for our health. That mentality alone should relieve the pressure that dieting inherently produces. And in turn, the depression and disappointment it ultimately results in.

Secondly, let’s take a look at what we consume during the day, and assess what is a craving and what is a reasoned food choice. We will simply want to recognize these moments of weakness and resist them one at a time, day by day. You will quickly see that very resistance will encourage you the next time, proving that you ARE capable of abstaining from that doughnut, pounds cake, or cookie. You go!

Lastly, it is the simple fact of perpetuating these habits and always looking for new ways to educate ourselves on food and health, and actively look for new ways to improve our lifestyle.

This should all get you excited to begin your new LIFESTYLE! The weight may not come off as quickly, but patience is key to any great product. Always remember the old saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” And honestly, if it had been, perhaps it may have collapsed much sooner than later. Okay, sorry for the mediocre collapse-of-the-Roman-Empire joke.

Begin with these small steps. Update on your progress. If you find yourself in a moment of weakness, don’t worry! Just let it go, and keep going! You got it.

Question: If You Were To Invite Three People to Dinner Who Would They Be? – Alive or Dead

Upon recent conversation with my significant other, we had discussed the three people (alive or dead) we would want to invite over as a dinner guest. I’m sure throughout life these choices have changed and will change, as if it were a lifetime- long game of musical chairs. Currently, off the top of my head, at this time of in life, I have selected—Barbara Corcoran, Brene Brown, and Oprah (though, originally chose Tupac Shakur for somewhat similar reason).

Although it seems like a strange pairing of people, I feel each of them add a unique perspective given their life work and experiences.

Barbara Corcoran is a notable real estate businesswomen and investor on the popularized show, Shark Tank. My own real estate interest aside, Barbara Corcoran’s mindset, creativity and street-smarts is what is most admirable. Her success story tells a tale of a fellow Jersey girl from modest beginnings rise above challenge and build a real estate empire through her creative wits and lessons from her mother. This crediting to her mother has been especially interesting, paralleling the manner in which her mother raised Barbara and her 10 siblings with her own future business achievements. One story in Barbara’s memoir, Shark Tales, which stood out to me had been her mother’s ability to single-handedly get all of her children washed and clothed in assembly-line fashion. The efficiency of her parenting presented the impression that being a parent was her business and she treated it as so. Furthermore, as someone whose mother is also a great motivator in my life, I take to this accrediting on a sentimental note as well.

One Question to Ask: Being someone who is very much an action-taker, what would be your advice to someone who is alternatively learning and preparing for action but is struggling to make the leap? What can they do to begin closing that gap between learning and taking action?

 

Brene Brown is an American research psychologist and story-teller. I am a newer follower of Brene Brown, having listened to my first book of hers, The Power of Vulnerability, a few months ago, but have followed her work quite diligently thereafter. Brown’s psychology focus is in that of shame and vulnerability. Such topics are definitely a hard listen, but Brown makes light of much of these topics through her own personal stories and kind-hearted nature in her delivery. It is important to have Brene Brown at the dinner table because of how much of an impact her work has had on truly becoming more comfortable with myself, my past and my relationships. Her work has allowed me to forgive myself for not being perfect and, conversely, and somewhat ironically, soak into the opportunities that come with imperfection. Her good-natured delivery has allowed me to laugh off things that have brought me worry and feel more normal in feeling a certain way by exposing the folly of us human beings in believing it’s “just me” or “I’m the only one” feeling this way. It’s not just us.

One Question to Ask: What do you do when you feel you are taking something too seriously?

 

Oprah is an American journalist, media-mogul, businesswomen and motivator. In reflecting on why I would want Oprah to be at my dinner table, I think back to the book report I did on her in the 5th grade. It shook me. The trauma and tragedy Oprah had endured herself at a similar age was something I could barely read about and she had to experience it. Through all of the abuse and loss she experienced as a child, she grew up to now be one of the most influential and wealthy women of our time. What she was able to achieve in her life, never discouraged by her failures, is a testament to her mental strength. Furthermore, I have always been fascinated by the way Oprah conduct an interview, from the linguistic quality of the questions she asks to her genuine engagement with her guests. As a writing creative myself, it is interesting to dissect the reasons behind the pairing of words, and how Oprah has been a master of this to intentionally prompt her guests to share intimate experiences. This is a masterful craft, not a skill that can be executed by just anyone. Oprah has made such word-play her expertise, just as a musical artist does so similarly to prompt listeners’ emotions.

One Question to Ask: How can we ask better quality questions to enhance our connections with one another?

 

Ask yourself this question! Who would you invite

6/4/18

Three Reasons Why I Am Already Successful:

  1. I realize being a good person is sufficient enough a contribution to society already
  2. I want what I already have
  3. I have become better at forgiving myself for folly and moving on