The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Think about a time in your life when you had interpreted someone’s “Yes.” (emphasis on the period) via text as he or she harboring frustration with you. You then begin to analyze this event and bring reason to why they are mad at you and assume they are irritated with something you said. But how much of that is the truth? Rather, this is the story we tell ourselves to bring a story line into a trigger event to help make sense of it. Yet, that IS all we are really doing, making up a story, and not even considering the truth in the situation.

Perhaps after confronting this friend regarding the text message, she does not even remember it because there was not emotion attached to the response at all. Meanwhile, you had suffered for days thinking constantly about this response which turned out to be a misinterpretation at the end of the day. Dr. Brene Brown speaks of how the brain actually rewards us for creating a storyline such as this to help to make sense of a situation whether it is a truthful storyline or not. As a result, however, we may be so committed to our story that we never end up finding the truth.

Brene Brown speaks about how these trigger moments, such as the “Yes.” text message response are opportunities for self-reflection. Our recognition of the tendency to craft a story in this moment is the sign to begin our self-reflection. To take the same example, once we are triggered by this text message and recognize our minds readiness to craft this entire story about our friend, we stop and reflect. Here, we are given the opportunity to figure out what about this response had triggered us?

The interesting thing is that we will always find that it everything to do with us, and nothing to do with the other person. The person on the sending end had no foul intention or malicious vengeance with a “Yes.” text response but because of our own inner insecurities and fear of rejection, we are sensitive to the short diction.

Since we are the creators of our reality, if we believe the story we tell ourselves all of the time, we may never give ourselves the opportunity to find truth or use this opportunity for self-reflection. By constantly believing the story we tell ourselves to be true, we can ruin various relationships in our lives. We may blame the actions of others for the way we are feeling or the failure of a relationship on the faults of another. How much truth is in these storylines? Are they merely just stories we tell ourselves?

Next time you feel the urge to develop a storyline in a trigger situation, recognize it as fiction and question what about YOU allowed for this to be a trigger event. You may find out more about yourself than you’d like to admit.

The Choice to be Free

I hear the sound of my heart bumping through my ears at the same pace as I feel it pulsate against the balls of my feet.

I stand there, still, free from judgment of myself as I know no one is watching.

“I am beautiful. I am smart. I am bold. I am loving. I am kind. I am caring,”

Mantras I repeat to myself as I am erectly planted with my stems to the ground.

I sway as if in a slight wind, as I feel my body shift weight to one side of my body to the other.

I love being here.

A feeling of calm engrosses me with the exhale of every breath.

If I can stand here alone free from judgment, why can’t I stand in a populated area all the same?

Why am I timid to speak up in a group but have the gusto for constant debates with myself?

Why can I dance alone in an empty yoga room but I am frozen in the presence of others?

Why?

To be free from judgment of ourselves is to be free.

To be accepting of ourselves—insecurities, thoughts, and fears—is to be free.

Do I wish to live a life of freedom and wander, or would I rather be bound by my own mind, shackled in a room which has been hoarded with insecurities, thoughts and fears blocking the door out.

What is the choice?

 

9/11- A Day for Remembrance, A Day for Reminder

First off, God please protect those directly affect by 9/11, and give them the strength to live well. I can only imagine the pain they feel on this day. We remember the souls who left us and hope their loved ones have found peace. These souls shall live on and continue to be a reminder to recognize what is truly important in our lives.

Through the tragedy and sorrow, this day reminds us how precious and fleeting life is. In just an instance, a life can be taken, but this is the reality we often choose not to think about. We much rather comfortably assume that tomorrow will come for us and everyone around us. As a result, we may treat the ones we love unfairly at times.

How many fights have we gotten into with family members over something so trivial, and now we do not speak? How many relationships have we had where we were too prideful or scared to tell the person we love them, and now they are gone? How many times have we yelled at our sibling and angrily walked out the door, taking for granted he or she will be there upon our return? We do this all of the time because of how unaware we are in the moment that things can change in just the same amount of time, one moment.

We can be more aware by actively expressing gratitude for the ones we love daily, not only once per year on their birthday because they or we cannot be guaranteed a next one. The latin phrase, Memonto Morti translates to “One day you will die.” This phrase is not meant to be morbid, for it is simply a reminder of how lucky we are to have today because we cannot be guaranteed tomorrow. If this is still too dark of a principle for you to adopt, more popular phrases like Carpe Diem– “Seize the day” or even Drake’s very own, YOLO– “You only live once,” have been coined to embolden this same principle.

Today I encourage all of us to reach out to the ones we love and tell them how much they mean to us. Think about a moment you have experienced with them and indulge in its memory as if it were happening right now. Take notice of your emotions and the feeling of love this experience with this person gave you.

Today we remember those we lost, as well as those we have for the moment. #neverforget

8/28/18

Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  1. Having dinner with my grandma and talking about our days
  2. Taking a walk in the park on a beautiful night, having laughs and good conversation with a great friend
  3. Catching up on the phone with both my mom and my significant other to talk about each of their days