Appreciation > Expectation

I previously wrote a post about freeing ourselves of expectation, which did not encourage having “low” expectation, but to rather have none at all. In this post I want to take a deeper dive into the dangers of having expectations and how it can sabotage our friendships, romantic relationships and work relationships. The appropriate word for this challenge is indeed, “sabotage,” because we place this danger upon OURSELVES with expectations.

The main danger of expectation is its capability of overlooking appreciation as a result, in all scenarios in life. For example, perhaps your significant other took out the garbage without you asking but left the bottles in the bin in the kitchen. You expected him or her to take BOTH the garbage and bottles out without you asking, so what does this typically lead to? This leads to the overlooking of what your significant other DID do and focus on what he or she did not do. Now, is this fair to your partner who thought he or she was helping out? I’m not sure that it is. Rather, if we were free from all expectation in this scenario, we might be more likely to see what our partner had done and appreciate him or her for doing the task at all.

Another example might be the expectation of getting something in return for doing a friend a favor. Your friend asks you to drive them to the airport often, asked for help on a new move or asks for a money loan. As a result, you are keeping score of these favors you are doing for this friend and expecting them to repay you for all the things you have done for them, and when they don’t return the favor, resentment builds.

The true destroyer at the end of the day is this resentment that has resulted from expectation over appreciation. Perhaps you can relate to a time when you had a friend or significant other who did things to show their appreciation of you but also omitted from doing other things that you had expected of them to further show their appreciation. It just wasn’t enough in your book. How did this relationship work out? Most likely, after continuing the cycle of expecting and not getting, while overlooking things to appreciate, resentment built and most likely tarnished this relationship till it could no longer be repaired.

So, now I ask you whether it was, in fact, them, who was the problem in the relationship for not having obeyed your expected (and often unexpressed) request, or was it you, overlooking what they did do any rather focused on what they did not? I encourage us to work on freeing ourselves of expectation or at least communicate our expectations to another. Conversely, focus on the good and appreciate what this other person HAS given you. Is it worth losing over expectation?

“There’s Nothing to Fear But…” BLAH BLAH BLAH

As we approach the concluding months of the year, many of us creating our New Year’s resolutions. Some people might think these goals are silly, arguing, “Well, you can make a new goal at any time, so why wait for the New Year to start?” Of course, there is some truth to this statement, we should always be growing and challenging ourselves, however the New Year is a symbol of something fresh, a clean slate that provides people with the belief they can begin again. And to that, I say, “Hell yeah!”

In my own brief reflection of my 2018 goals regarding what I achieved and did not achieve, I have noticed many factors caused me to fall short on accomplishing many of them.

The greatest limitation I have discovered in myself had been fear. Throughout the year, fear manifested itself both in my professional and my personal life. Progressing through this fear in various situations felt as if I was trekking though muddy waters. These fears had layers to them, for I found there was never just a single fear felt in a given situation. These fears had fears and I was fearful of my fears. Eventually, this debilitating feeling would blow out the spark I may have felt only moments before. As a result, searched for comfort rather than taking action against these fears.

It is easy to recite FDR’s famous words, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself,” but it is quite another to truly believe it. Fears are created from our insecurities and conditioning resulting from past experiences and childhood. In our adult lives, as we begin to take on the world, striving to fulfill our goals, these fears begin to stand in the way of our goals. Our choices are to run or to face these fears, and our instinct is the easiest way out, right? To run. The most difficult challenge is pushing through these conditions, changing them, and no longer obliging to the fear they have created within us.

Thus far, I have found the strongest opponent to fear has been faith and acceptance of failure. How can we fear if we have such a strong faith or belief in something? We must trust that what we are setting out to do is authentic in the given moment and not question it and feel obligated to answer fear’s doubtful questions nagging in our minds. We must believe we have positive intent in our action and pursue it unafraid. Furthermore, we must build the muscle to accept failure, for what is the greatest fear instilled in most people? The fear of judgment. In accepting failure, we can accept our flaws and our mistakes, and maybe even learn from them. Though facing our fear sounds scary, it is a small sacrifice for a much greater reward.

Thankful for the People in My Life.

As the Thanksgiving season approaches, I reflect on all I am grateful for, as I do every morning, but today I ponder my life over the years to conclude I am most thankful for the people in my life.

Do you ever wonder how the people in your life even arrived there?! Our surroundings are mostly the result of fate. When a baby is born into a random family, he or she was fated to live in their world. This baby did not requested to be a member of a particular family or even ask to be born at all.

We encounter thousands of people in our lifetime, each brought into our lives by a short occurrence of fate. Perhaps this was growing up in the same town as another, attending the same college or working at the same job. We did not choose to encounter any of them.

Recently I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the people in my life. My eyes well at the thought of how lucky I have been. I believe all of the people in my circle were destined to me. I am certain each of them do not even realize the impact they have had in my development as a human being, but I am forever grateful.

Overtime the thread of fate continues to spin as we encounter more individuals who may move into our circle as others move out. I am mostly writing this to encourage all of us to take a moment and be thankful for the people we have come in contact with in our lives, and reflect on who has remained and why they have. What value do these individual bring into our lives? In addition, reflect on those we have come across by fate who no longer remain a part of our lives. What purpose did THEY serve for us at the time they were around?

 

Kill “Perfection”

Learning more about the subconscious mind and how it develops within us over the years, forced me to take a look at my own life and my own behaviors to figure out what conditions or beliefs I possess subconsciously. According to Dr. Bruce Lipton, the subconscious mind develops from the time we are born till around 6 years old. He goes onto explain how these beliefs then manifest themselves in adulthood, when they unfortunately become conditions that might beholding us back from changing this behavior. Furthermore, another way we have developed conditions or beliefs in the subconscious has been through repetition, repeating a phrase or belief over and over again until you can recite it without thinking at all. He provides the examples of when we learned our ABCs. If someone were to tell you to repeat the alphabet, you can most likely do so without even thinking. This is our mind operating from the subconscious.

With all of the being said, I have become more aware of the subconscious conditions created in my own life because they usually present themselves as a struggle that you cannot put your finger on. One of these conditions is perfection for many, including myself. This has prompted my idea to outlaw words such as “perfect” and “flawless,” for they present a conditioned belief which we can never live up to, and as a result, will remain in this conflict our whole lives, perhaps.

When we are young, perfection can be conditioned in us in many ways, parent’s over glorification of a job well done, conversations overheard from your mother over her “ugly” body, being called a good girl and more directly, being called perfect. I can recall many of these sort of things being said and done in my own life since I was a child and they have presented themselves in many conflicting ways in adulthood. In being aware of this biological fact Dr. Bruce Lipton presents, I encourage us to be careful with the words we use which might suggest “perfection,” for the sake of the young children who will soon become adults.

Furthermore, I believe this repetition of seeing “perfection” on social media has also subconsciously ingrain in us this condition we struggle to break free of. In after 6 years old, conditions can still develop through something like social media. We are glued to our phones the majority of the day, mindlessly consuming content we do not believe to be effecting us. Guess what? That mindlessness is an example of your brain operating in the subconscious, for you are not consciously alert to the present moment. All of those quote, images, and ideas of perfection projected into the palm of your hand is hindering our ability to change our conditioning while also creating new ones.

If you wish to research more on how to change our conditioning from childhood and beyond, I would suggest checking out Dr. Bruce Lipton.

For now, please be cautious of what you say or do around the young, and maybe take a break from your Instagram reel to workout, read or meditate to get your mind operating consciously.

Building Up Leg Strength

Men and women both look for ways to build up their lower-body muscles. The muscles in our lower-body are our largest and as a result, require the greatest amount of energy to build. So, instead of using that extra needed energy on researching the best ways to build leg strength, I provided my own personal proven method below! Give it a try!

Throughout the years, I have experimented with various weight-lifting, body-weight and cardio training exercises to build up strength in the lower-body. Many different exercises have been successful for this task, but the combinations below have proven to be most effective for me and my goals.

For the purpose of building strength in the leg, glute, hamstring and overall lower-body, try the below supersets! These exercises are comprised of a short cardio exercise, followed by lower-body-targeted superset combinations.

 

Cardio:

1 Minute Sprints (*Critical to sprint, not jog)

Repeat x3

 

1st Weight Superset:

12 Rep Leg Press

12 Rep Deadlift

12 Rep Straight-legged deadlift

10 Deep Squat

Repeat x3

 

2nd Weight Superset:

12 Rep Quad Extension Machine (Both Feet 90o with Legs)

12 Rep Quad Extension Machine (Both Feet Turned Outward at 130o)

12 Rep Quad Extension Machine (Pointed Toes)

12 Rep Hamstring Curl Machine

Repeat x 3

 

Finished!!

Perform this exercise once per week with an increase of 5-10 lbs each week and notice your lower-body strength increase!